US vs US…The Dissolution of Marriage
Well, we had a good run. Two hundred and fifty years of coexistence, pride, patriotism. Sure, we had some good times. We had some awful times. We worked through our differences. We had a bad break-up, a lot of feelings were hurt, and a lot of lives lost. But we got back together, made amends, and even made it work for a while. We’ve tried to stick it out, you know, for the kids. Now though, the kids are more hurt if we stay together. We don’t talk anymore. Yes, there are a lot of words…broadcasted words meant to accuse, insult, or demean. None of these words are meant to heal. None of them end in understanding or common ground. None are positive. None are caring. None genuine.
These current irreconcilable differences can only lead to civil war or civil divorce. We’ll have to split the record collection, the furniture, maybe sell the house and split the proceeds. That’ll take a while. The kids will have to decide which parent they want to live with. I guess the West Coast kids will go with Blue…and New York, Massachusetts, Illinois, Minesota (or maybe just Minneapolis). Like the Joads in The Grapes of Wrath, some of us will have to pack up and head for the coast with all the furniture you can carry. Some of us have been heading the other direction for years already.
Honestly, we’ve both been spending a lot over the last thirty years, so it just makes sense to split the bills 50/50. I guess Blue will want their own dollar…without “In God We Trust” on it and without any slave-owning founders’ pictures. Feel free to print as much as you want. Red, don’t you even think about it!
Blue doesn’t like guns or police, so Red gets those. But maybe Blue should take a pistol just in case you have a change of heart. Just keep it on a high shelf…away from the kids (the actual kids). And you’re gonna need some military or Spanish won’t be the only language you’ll need to study.
Red, take the truck. Blue, take the EV…but not the Tesla obviously. And of course, Red gets all the oilfields and refineries…including Venezuela if you can manage it. The power grids will be a problem…it’ll take a lot of time and money to get us separated so Blue doesn’t use any fossil fuels. You might want to reconsider nuclear energy, but that’ll certainly take forty years to get done. In the meantime, don’t drive so much and get some solar panels on all your buildings and more of those giant turbines. You’ll have a lot of coastline…maybe have a look at wave generation tech.
One of us will get the cat, the other takes the dog.
Blue will keep their borders open so they will still have their cheap labor…landscapers, nannies, n such. Makes sense because the cost of living is so high in those Blue areas, it doesn’t leave much money for lawn and child care. Red will still have their vetting process at their borders and will deport the illegal immigrants…over to the Blue areas if they want. Criminals, too for that matter. Red prisons are just as crowded as Blue ones. Or maybe Blue will just let them out on bond, I guess.
Blue needs a president obviously. Probably Kamala, or Gavin, or the new socialist guy…Mamdani? I suggest you stick with democracy…or try to anyway. By the way, all those rich people you want to eat, they’re moving out…you know, before they get eaten. Who gets eaten then?
Red, I know you like the old guy…even if he is an asshole. Just hold him accountable, FFS! IDGAF what SCOTUS says, everyone, including the President, is accountable to the law. Or you’ll never get rid of that “No Kings” bullshit.
I’m sure there are a thousand other tings to get straight. Let the lawyers battle it out. But we need to get separated in the meantime. Like when the cops show up for a domestic abuse call…someone has to go to jail for the night if only to separate them during the heat of the moment.
The problem is the parents will never stop fighting…even for the sake of the kids. In fact, it’s for the sake of the kids that they continue to fight. And the kids are joining in. That’s where we’ve gone down the direction of no return…once the kids are fighting, kids will get hurt…even killed. The first Civil War was bad, but we were separated by geography. Today, there are no geographical lines. The Mason-Dixon is just outside your house, a stone’s throw from your neighbor with the blue hair and the septum piercing, or the one with the red hat and the work boots. We’ve got to get back to separation at the very least…because a stone’s throw is only the beginning of our hate-filled capability.
-Big Steve